I always told myself never to become selfish enough to hurt someone just so I can be happy. Now I’m trying to be happy, but I’m miserable because I hurt someone I care about in the process. I was never good at relationships.

Girls, you look so much prettier without all this excessive makeup and random colors in your hair. Natural beauty is more attractive than store-bought beauty. I go through people’s facebook defaults and see a bunch of “Beauty Shots”, but the one that looks the best is the one you think looks bad because you’re wearing barely any makeup. What has society come to, that we make our females think they have to paint themselves, pluck themselves, turn themselves orange, and rip out hair all over their bodies to look attractive? There’s a fine line between hygenic upkeep and looking attractive, and trying desperately to be something you’re not.

I’m crying right now. I’m not crying because of my depression. I’m not crying because of the recent turmoil in my life. I’m not crying because my abusive father is back to his old ways. I’m not crying because I’m in physical pain. No. I’m crying because I’m incredibly jealous that my ex boyfriend is happy with his current girlfriend. They’re posting all over each others facebook walls, and I can’t stand to delete either one off of my facebook because I’m afraid I’ll miss something. The worst part of all this is that I have a boyfriend who loves me unconditionally, more than any man has ever loved me. But I can’t let go of the past. I can’t stop feeling like crying every time I see my ex. I don’t even know why I feel like this about him, considering he verbally and sexually abused me many times. He was just so perfect in ways no one seems to understand. And I want to tell someone I feel this way, but I can’t. My mother and sister love my current boyfriend too much to understand how awful I’ve been feeling lately, and I’m terrified if I tell any of my friends it will get back around to my boyfriend. I don’t want to hurt him, because I really do love him. Just not as much as he loves me. I’m so terrified I’m never going to be able to love anyone as much as I loved my ex. I don’t know what to do anymore. I broke down to tears when I found out my mom threw out my movie ticket stubs from our dates, even though I shouldn’t have. I know feeling like this is wrong. I know I need to move on. I just don’t know how, and I’ve been trying to for so long.